Little Drummer Boy
by Marika Webster
Summary: A humorous take on a 2x4 wedding! Gift ficcie for Mint-sama.


A/N- Congrats Mint! Here's you reward for being so very smart! Enjoy!

Disclaimers- Ain't got nothing but my poverty.

Little Drummer Boy

Duo placed his head in his hands and muffled a scream of frustation. "This is insane. This is completely insane." Amethyst eyes rose to regard Wufei miserably. Duo's tux jacket had long since been discarded on the couch in the elevator of the luxury hotel.

"Insane is being stuck in an elevator with you while dressed as Santa Claus." Wufei replied sullenly, his polyester beard muffling his voice. He reached up and pulled the beard down, letting it dangle around his neck from the elastic band. He reached for the buckle on the suit, intent on disrobing.

"Man, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Wufei huffed. "I'm getting out of this confounded thing. It's hot and it itches. Remind me again how we ended up in this situation?"

"Quatre wanted a Christmas themed wedding, he thought it would be fun to be married by Santa Claus. Don't you dare take that suit off, Wufei." Duo surged to his feet and began pacing… again. 3 steps, turn… 3 steps, turn. He checked his watch again. "It's been half an hour! I'm late to my own wedding! I can't believe this!" He returned to his corner of the couch and dropped onto it, his handsome face the picture of distress. "Quatre's going to be so upset. He wanted everything to be perfect and now this!"

"Calm down, Duo." Wufei growled distractedly as he gave up on the belt and lifted the edge of the Santa suit to jerk out the pillow that padded his fake belly. "It isn't as though Quatre can get married without you. And he can't do it without me either seeing as how I'm performing the ceremony."

"All that trouble to get you licensed as a JP and now this!" Duo clenched his fists. "Try the call box again."

Wufei sighed and reached for the emergency phone. "Duo, he'll figure it out." He lifted the receiver and held it to his ear. "It's not working."

As if on cue there was a distinct voice from the other side of the doors. "DUO! WUFEI! Are you guys in there?"

Duo rose again, moving close to the door, pressing against it as though his life depended on that voice. "Q, we're stuck! Do something! Everyone's going to leave and we wont' be able to get married and I wanna marry you today! I love you."

There was a pause, When Quatre spoke again, his voice carried a thread of amusement. "Don't worry, Duo. Heero's trying to pry the door open, and Trowa's trying to get in from above. Just sit tight. You'll be fine. Is Wufei with you?"

"Yeah. But, Quatre! He won't keep his suit on!" Duo banged his fist against the door. "Are you still going to marry me, Quatre?"

Wufei released a long-suffering sigh and stepped up to his friend, clapping a hand over his mouth. "Quatre Raberba Winner, if I have to listen to your boyfriend complain anymore there WILL be bloodshed… now who's out there with you?"

Quatre's voice was puzzled. "Heero and Hilde. Why?"

Wufei maneuvered his way closer to the door and glared at Duo, Santa hat akimbo. He fumbled in his pocket and withdrew the index cards he would have used in the ceremony. "Dear friends, we have come together today to witness and bless the union of Duo and Quatre in a lifelong commitment of love."

In front of him, Duo froze, eyes wide in surprise. The doors gave a horrible creak as the were pried apart a few inches. Wufei released a breath of relief as a small amount of fresh air invaded the space. "Quatre can you hear me?"

"Yes, Wufei, I can hear you."

"Good… I'll continue." He cleared his throat and glared at Duo in an effort to thwart the braided man' efforts to bite his hand. "The calling to live in the bond of a covenant is a gift from a power higher than any other, It is a calling to love, to reason, to work and play, and to live in unity as one. In celebrating this covenant we are reminded of our highest vocation and to love one another."

Duo batted at Wufei hand and leaned against the tiny slit on the door, pressing one eye to it to regard Quatre quietly.

Wufei continued softly, referring to his cheat sheets. "Duo and Quatre are here to bear witness to their love for each other and to their intention to embody that love in their relationship. Each has found the other to be a gift in the midst of a broken world. We are now called to share in their happiness and to witness this exchange of vows, and accept the offering they are making." He paused, and squinted at the cards, then sighed and groped in his other pocket for his glasses.

He slid them on his nose and began once more. "The joining of Duo and Quatre in heart, body, and mind is intended by Destiny for their mutual joy, for the health and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity, and for the greater rnanifestation of love in the lives of all whom they encounter. Therefore this commitment is to be undertaken and affirmed seriously, reverently, deliberately and faithfully."

The Chinese man flipped through his cards. "Duo, if you will repeat after me. I, Duo Maxwell take you, Quatre Raberba Winner, to be my companion and partner. I solemnly promise. that I will be with you always. "

Duo stared at his lover and smiled gently. His voice was soft and steady as he repeated the words.

On the outside of the elevator

Quatre's heart clenched in his chest. He was overwhelmed by the wave of love emanating from the man who was at this very moment vowing to spend his life with him. Wufei's voice seemed to fade into a murmur, Quatre only heard the silky voice of Duo as he spoke again, muffled by the elevator doors. " I love you now and wish to grow with you … to challenge, as the years pass, how we each other and those whom fate puts in our path."

Quatre felt a tear slip from his eyes, tracing it's way down his cheek. In that moment, it did not matter that they were standing in a hallway, separated by the steel doors. The hundreds of people waiting in the ballroom and the thousands of dollars worth of flowers and the caterers… none of the mattered. This was what was important. In his never ending quest to make the day perfect, he'd almost forgotten the entire point of it. Duo spoke again, his words were gentle, like a hand caressing Quatre and wiping away the tears. "I promise to love you in the times of celebration and of sadness in times of pleasure and of anger, in times of sickness and of health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

Wufei's voice was strange… it sounded almost as though the Chinese man were choked up. "Quatre, please repeat after me."

On the other side of the Door

Duo pressed harder against the door, as though he could bridge the gap if only he pushed hard enough. Quatre was crying, but why? Confusion filled Duo for a moment before he realized that his lover's heightened empathy was radiating back towards him. Quatre was happy. Duo's heart gave a flutter of excitement. Quatre spoke clearly, his voice strong bearing no hesitation as he repeated after Wufei. Duo's face relaxed into a smile, which broadened into a grin. Just as Quatre fell silent after he finished his vows there was a ding followed by an electronic voice. "Lobby."

The elevator music filtered in to his reverie, the soft strains of "Do you hear what I hear?" leading into the song. The doors slid open. Duo darted out and barely stopped himself before barreling into Quatre. Wufei stepped out of the elevator and flipped through his cards again. "Fortuitous timing." He glanced to the now returning Trowa, who frowned in curiosity. Wufei held a finger to his lips and shook his head. "Heero, the rings?"

"Right here." The Japanese man extended the two matching platinum bands. Wufei extended them to Quatre and Duo in turn. "Duo, if you'll place the ring on Quatre's finger and…" He was cut off by Duo waving a hand.

"No, Wufei. I've got this." Duo grasped Quatre's left hand gently and slid the band over his finger, holding his hand over it as he spoke. "Quatre, I offer you this ring as a symbol of my love for you, a love that I will express by kindness, respect, trust and faith in you to the end of my life."

Wufei remained silent, an uncharacteristic easy smiling gracing his features as Quatre slid the other ring onto Duo's finger repeating the simple words. "Duo, I offer you this rose as a symbol of my love for you, a love that I will express by kindness, respect, trust and faith in you to the end of my life."

Duo did not notice that Wufei surreptitiously wiped away a tear that escaped him as he referred to his note cards again. "For as much as Duo and Quatre have consented together in wedlock, and have witnessed the same before this company of friends and family, and have given and pledged their promises to each other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving a ring, and by joining hands. Let blessings upon them, in health and in sickness, in abundance and in want, in life and in death."

Quatre's face broke into a grin to match his own as Wufei released a distinct hiccup. "By the authority vested in me by L4. I pronounce this you to be united in marriage. You may kiss." He barely finished his words before Duo had caught his new husband up in his arms and was kissing him soundly on the mouth.

The small crowd, attracted by the bizarre sight of a Chinese Santa marrying two tuxedoed men burst into applause. Quatre grinned against Duo's lips. "I told you I would marry you."

Duo released a whoop of triumph and lifted Quatre smoothly from his feet swinging him in a wide circle. "I love you, Quatre Winner-Maxwell."

"And I love you, Duo." Quatre replied giddily. "Forever. Nothing can keep us apart, not even a stuck elevator on our wedding day."

Duo threw his head back and released a long, deep laugh of joy before leaning close to speak in Quatre's ear. "Do you hear what I hear?"

"What's that?"

"Our rocking chairs squeaking." With those words, Duo Winner-Maxwell claimed the lips of his new husband once more.

Fin

Postscript- The vows were stolen almost exclusively from


End file.
